Two Drive Thrus

Today... is a good day.

I drove into, and then out of, two fast food drive throughs.

Yay me!

I have a one hour lunch break every day. My first stop was to stop at the gas station. The only other mandatory stop I had to make on my break was to Wal-Mart. My addictive brain kicked in at that point, and I drove my freshly fueled up vehicle right into the Burger King drive through across the street. Almost without even thinking about it. I sat there for a second, and after gauging my hunger, realized that I didnt really feel like eating here. So I jumped out of line and moved onto Wal-Mart.

So I got to Wal-Mart, picked up my things. I still hadn't eaten. I had 20 minutes left to get back to work. There is a McDonald's right next to WalMart, so I snuck into the parking lot and into the drive through line. And once again, realized that I didnt really want this food.

What's interesting to me is how entering the drive throughs sated my addictive mind. It wasn't the food. It was the motion of going to get the food. Once I was in line, I snapped right out of it. What is that about anyways? So I came back to work without having eaten, sat through a meeting, and just now ate a bowl of high fiber oatmeal.

Again... yay me.

The Struggle

I'm struggling.

I've had my coffee. My yogurt. My string cheese. My bing cherries.

I'm starving. I want a Snickers. And McDonalds. And a soda!

Why does this happen?

Why is my brain on track and motivated to work one minute, and the next it's throwing everything out and saying 'go get the french fries! its fine!'?

You tell me this!

I should have named my blog 'confessions of a food addict'. Jeez.

The Truth

Pictures do lie. Because in these photos, I look like I'm having fun.



Workout: July 6, 2010
Half of 10, 10, 10, 10, 10...

5 rounds for time:

10 pushups
10 situps
10 squats
100 single jump ropes

TIME: 17:01





I'm so out of shape.

Big Boppers

What is it that makes a person eat 3 Blue Bunny Big Boppers in 1 day?

I certainly dont have the answer, considering that it was me, and I still don't have a clue.

I have been surrounded by people with addictions my whole life. Drugs, alcohol, food, cigarettes, cars... (dont ask). I always felt grateful that I was one of those who didn't have any of those addictions that they just couldn't kick. But the ugly of an addiction is that the person who has it doesn't realize they have it. I have always believed that a person with an addiction needs to hit some sort of rock bottom before they can begin their journey back to the light.

I realize now that I have an addiction. I'm addicted to food. And not just any food, but fast food. Processed food. Quick food. Anything that is bad for you that I can get my hands on right now.

Unfortunately, I had to gain more than 100lbs before I was able to get a hint of what was going on with me. I've been on this 'diet' of mine for over a decade now. I was the tall, skinny, lanky girl up until about 5 years ago, and I thought I was fat.

This past weekend, as I cleaned the spare bedroom for the guests that would be joining us for the holiday, I found a clothes basket. And in this overloaded basket were stacks and stacks of folded clothing. Clothing that I wore when I first me my fiance, Red. Clothing that I wore when I was a size single digit. When I first met Red, I had 2 jobs. One was as a waitress, the other was at a hunt dog training facility. I loved that job. I spent all day every day outside with the dogs. And my standard work attire consisted of these little grey shorts and a size small tshirt. I held up the shorts that I used to wear when I thought I was a cow. These shorts now? I would be surprised if my arms would fit through them.

What is my problem? What was my problem back then? I was 165-170lbs, muscular, toned, healthy, and at 6ft tall! Hell, I wore size small tshirts and they fit me perfectly. Now I'm lucky to feel comfortable in an extra large.

3 Big Boppers. My rock bottom.

Ready, Set, Go....